...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
