he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
