My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
