So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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