I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
