a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
