They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I smell like Dick and happiness
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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