Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
