i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
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