Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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