Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
