He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
