I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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