i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
