I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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