So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
