Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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