Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
