dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
