Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
