it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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