just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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