so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
