if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
