oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
