I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
