yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
