winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
