Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize