the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
