I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
