I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
