im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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