Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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