are you still at the devil's house?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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