I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
