at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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