I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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