yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
