I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
