Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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