You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
