$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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