either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
