Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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