he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
