What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Pants 0. Shit 1.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
