You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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