That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Found the puke drawer
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
