Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You pole danced in your parka.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
