And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
