i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
