I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
