If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
