Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
