You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I puked a lego.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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