I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
