The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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