we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
