The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
