I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
