Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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