Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
