I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
