I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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