I just cut my nipple shaving
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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