I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize