Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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