what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
