We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
