I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
