Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sponge bath it is.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize