Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
