Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
