Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
