after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
