Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
