I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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