I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
