Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Holy shit dude........stairs
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
