Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
