I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
