i barfeds in our rink
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
