You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just had sex on a roof
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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