Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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