Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You're earring is so big in my mouth
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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