The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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