would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize