so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
