naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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