the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She needs sedatives and a leash
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
