You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
