its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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