I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
